quietly
by closingdoors
Summary: 'She hadn't meant to hear. And she most definitely hadn't meant to feel her stomach flip, with something like elation, something like hope, and something too much like relief.' Post 3x12, Poof! You're Dead. For Laura. COMPLETE.


(I learned to love you  
><em>quietly, <em>because I know  
>you prefer <em>silence<em>)  
><strong>- Quietly, xq<strong>

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><p><em>For Laura, my perfect tiny Canadian (MINE). Have the best day, sweets; you deserve it. I love you (don't tell Stana).<em>

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><p>She watches quietly as Castle finishes the last of his burger from the comfort food truck, happily wiping his greasy fingers with the napkins that sit on the wobbly table between them, raving about the intricacies of the latest case. Normally she would scoff or laugh at him, at his childish happiness in the face of such a grievous subject. But this time – this time she watches him and smiles at the pure beauty of him. This man.<p>

"So, why the comfort food truck?" He asks, breaking her from her thoughts.

Kate shrugs, dodging the bullet. "It just felt right."

Slowly, Castle sets his napkin down on the container, staring at the table before he lifts his eyes to hers. Somber. Oh no. Does he know – ?

"You know I broke up with Gina, don't you?"

Letting her eyes drop down to the table immediately, Kate blushes, feeling shame bubble beneath the layers of her skin. She hadn't _meant _to hear. And she most definitely hadn't _meant _to feel her stomach flip, with something like elation, something like hope, and something too much like relief. All of these things shouldn't have happened. But they had.

"I didn't mean to – "

"It's okay. I should've stood somewhere more private – "

"I just walked out of the break room and _heard _and – "

She stops, shaking her head and dropping her shoulders. Yes. She'd heard. She'd heard and felt sorry for him and happy for _her _and that's just wrong because she knows she should never, ever give into her feelings for Castle. She – wants him. Always. She doesn't want to risk losing him, and surely, _surely,_ a relationship is only one way of how she could.

"So you invited me here," he surmises.

"Yeah," she says faintly.

"Well," he seems to struggle with his words for a moment, when she looks up at him, and finally he just settles with, "thank you."

They could leave it there. They could get up and leave, as he finishes off the last of his soda. They could go their separate ways and say goodnight.

Instead, she admits, "I broke up with Josh."

His head snaps up, eyes wide. "You did?"

"About a week ago. It just – wasn't right," she tells him, fiddling with the napkin in her hands.

There's silence then and she simply shrugs, for something to do. It's okay. She's okay. Josh had been… nice, and safe, and comfortable. He had also been a rebound, in the same way that Gina had been. It's unfair, she thinks, this dance they have, the way they skirt around the edges and flirt with possibility, before hurting others along the way. Maybe there's something selfish about them.

"I'm sorry. That it didn't work out."

She shakes her head. "Don't be."

He doesn't ask what she means.

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><p>It's late, by the time they finally <em>do <em>get up to leave. She keeps her gloved hands in her pockets, turning her face up to the New York sky. The buildings tower high above them, looming, but she feels the solid presence of Castle brush against her with every step. They walk closer than usual, his arm ghosting against hers, and she smiles into the collar of her coat.

He doesn't break the silence, not to ask if she wants to take a cab instead of walk, or ask if she's going back for her car. Honestly, she doesn't think she wants to leave this moment – walking with him through the city.

His building is closer, and he doesn't question her when she rides up with him. Only stops outside his door when they get there.

"You wanna come in for a drink?"

"Sure," she replies, feeling that same stupid flutter in her stomach.

It's too easy, she thinks, to make herself at home at his loft. There seems to be no sign of his mother or his daughter, so after she hangs her coat in the cupboard and settles on the couch, she kicks her heels off and leaves them there, curling her feet beneath her. This is something she could get used to. Being here, like this, with him.

"Here," he murmurs, passing her a glass of wine as he sits beside her.

She hums as she takes a sip. "Where are Martha and Alexis?"

"I do believe my mother has a date, and Alexis has a group study session," he tells her, sighing. "I'm glad I won't have to tell them for a while, if I'm honest."

"Why?"

"Well – Gina and I were together for quite a while, and Alexis did respect her, and get along with her. Lately they've spent quite a fair amount of time with each other," he laments, staring into the dark liquid in the wine glass. "I guess – I don't want to tell Alexis I've failed her again."

Without thinking, Kate reaches out to squeeze his bicep sympathetically. His muscles tense beneath her touch and she has to fight the urge to let her eyes close at the feel of his large arms. She's – had one too many thoughts about the play of his muscles.

"Oh, Castle," she smiles, "you could never fail Alexis. She _loves _you."

He shrugs. "I guess I forget that I need to… be _certain _of a relationship before I leap into it. For her."

"And you weren't certain of Gina?" She asks, and it stings, somewhere, deep in her heart as she thinks about the summer she was alone while he was in his beach house with his ex-wife.

"She was…"

He doesn't finish, and she doesn't push.

"Well, I'm sure you'll find that one day, Castle. A relationship you're certain of," she assures him.

He looks over at her, mouth opening, but no sound comes out. The blue of his eyes turns serious, dark, intense, and it almost steals her breath away, stomach curling with heat. She feels the warmth tickle her neck, blooming in her cheeks as he moves, setting his wine glass on the table in front of her and her hand falls from his bicep. And then he moves closer and she can't breathe.

"Kate," he whispers.

Tightly, her hands fist around the wine glass in her lap, staring at his lips as he moves closer to her. There's distance between them, his warmth growing closer and closer and then _oh _his lips are on hers and –

Kate moves closer to him, but he drifts away slightly, leaving her with goosebumps. Her eyes peel open slowly, find him reaching for her wine glass. She lets him take it, body slow and lethargic from his kiss, the dark intensity of his gaze that has arousal pooling in her stomach, between her legs, and she knows that this isn't going to end anywhere else but with her in his bed moaning his name, so this time, when he leans in to kiss her again, she opens her mouth against him.

His hand falls to her waist, grip tight and it makes her hips jerk, gasping against his mouth as it moves, trailing beneath her jumper and tickling around her abdomen. She's aching; wraps one hand around his neck to pull him closer while the other finds his hand and pushes it past the waistband of her trousers.

"Kate," he murmurs again, against her lips, as his hand slips beneath her panties and finds her aching and swollen already.

His fingers teases her, maddening circles against her and she keens against his lips, forehead pressed against hers as the only parts of them that move are his hand and her hips. At the sound, he groans, finally presses his fingers against her clit with enough pressure to take the edge off.

The hand not around his neck comes up to cup his cheek, and his head tilts slightly, pressing the gentlest of kisses against the lines of her palm as two fingers suddenly plunge into her.

Her hips fly up, a loud cry emitting from her as her head falls back against the couch. He slips an arm beneath her, wraps it around her waist as she lets her legs fall open, his fingers moving magically between them. She can't keep up, doesn't know what it is that he's doing anymore but it's working _wonders, _sending her higher and higher as her breaths get shallower and she wonders how they can be so silent when she's always expected so loud and rough and passionate but then his teeth graze against her neck and her thighs quiver and _Oh Shit, Castle – _

"You're beautiful," he paints into the shell of her ear when he orgasm subsides, peppering kisses along her cheek as she pants. "And if you want to stop, if you want to go home, tell me. I understand."

Her head rolls to one side, staring at him as he retracts his fingers and rests them on her lower stomach.

"I don't want to pretend this didn't happen. And I don't wanna go home," she murmurs, watching the slow smile that blooms across his face. "But I do think I want to go to your bedroom – not doing this on your couch, Castle."

He smiles. "I'll never look at it the same again."

By the time they reach his room he's managed to get her jumper over her head, standing behind her as they stop at the end of her bed. He drifts his fingers against the skin of her waist, making her shiver with his feather light touch, and she simply closes her eyes and lets him do it. Giving complete control to him.

Castle unhooks her bra and she lets him ghost the straps down her arms until the lacy fabric falls to the floor. His large hands move around to her front, span her stomach before lifting up, brushing the underside of her breasts. Her back arches, pushing her breasts out but then his hands drift down to the zipper of her trousers, until they pool at her feet and she has to kick them away.

"Lay on the bed," he instructs, kissing the bare skin of her shoulder, and she obeys.

Shivering, she rests her head on his pillows as she lies in only her sodden panties. He unbuttons his shirt, lets it fall to the floor with the rest of her clothes, exposing to her the firm muscles of his abdomen. She can't help the sudden constriction in her throat, and then her mouth goes dry and she loses his socks and pants too, and the thick, hard length of him bulges through his boxers.

Castle climbs onto the bed, hovering above her and she reaches down, palms his length through the fabric and watching as his eyes flutter.

He says nothing when he gently moves her hand away, shoving his boxers down his hips while she pulls her panties off. Leaning down against her, brushing against her heat, she gasps, her hands coming up to rest on the back of his neck as she tilts her hips against his and the tip of him brushes against her clit. He seems to enjoy the small noises she makes, the encouragement it gives him and the admittance of at least her body's feelings for him. His eyes go wide when he finally slips inside of her and she lets out a long, drawn out moan, letting her nails dig into the skin of his neck.

They settle on a rhythm almost instantly, with her legs crisscrossed over his back and her hips rolling as he thrusts into her slowly. And she doesn't need to say anything, they both know what this is; it's everything.

Kate lets her eyes fall closed, and then he kisses her soft and sweet as his hands slip beneath her body and cradle her lithe body as they approach their climaxes together.

When his lips leave hers she groans, feeling fire burning inside of her as he dusts kisses down her neck, along her clavicle, teeth coming out to graze softly against the side of her right breast. Her back arches, and this time he does provide the attention she craves, tongue swirling around her nipple before taking it into his mouth and making her cry out.

His hips jerk roughly into hers at that and her breath catches in her throat, forcing her to let out a strangled sound. He stops his ministrations on her breast, lifting up to watch her when he thrusts into her roughly again and her eyes roll into the back of her head.

Even with eyes closed, she can tell he's grinning, his pace picking up as he slams into her and the burn is delicious, it slivers up her spine and bursts through her veins, a whole-body encompassing thing that leaves her gasping. This position has never really _done _it for her before but oh god, with Castle – it's perfect.

"Rick," she moans, eyes opening as her whole body begins to quiver.

"Kate," he whispers back, kissing her softly despite the slap of their bodies.

It's easy then, her fingers moving to her clit and she's barely touched herself before the play of his lips against hers and the thrust of his hips sends her hurtling over the edge, turning her bones into jelly as she yells his name.

Just as she comes down from her high, stroking her hands along the skin of his back, she feels his muscles tense before suddenly he spills into her. His orgasm makes his arms quiver and he can't hold himself up anymore, collapsing down onto her and the heavy weight is comforting as she wraps herself completely around him, not letting him move and listening to the sound of their breathing for a few minutes.

"I love you," he says, interrupting their silence, and when she stares at him in stunned awe he quickly tells her, "I'm sorry."

She shifts her naked body against his and kisses him fiercely.

"Please don't ever be sorry for loving me. It's beautiful."

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><p><strong>The End <strong>


End file.
